10 years of best ever, mostest awesome Toronto International Film Festival memories!

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September 6, 2012 at 7:05 pm  •  Posted in Funny by  •  4 Comments

It’s my 10th year attending the Toronto International Film Festival with the same group of girlfriends. #TIFF12 is a big anniversary for us.

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Here’s a glimpse at the memories you earn after seeing hundreds of movies when you’re a member of the proletariat herd attending the festival. If you’ve “done TIFF”, add yours in the comments!


Best Ever, Mostest Awesome TIFF Memories!

 
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Acknowledging the only celebrities you are probably gonna “spot” are Canadian actors from Stargate: Atlantis.

Your inability to find anybody who admits they voted for the People’s Choice winner. Conspiracy!?

Colin Geddes fondly starting Midnight Madness introductions with: “I was out for dinner with…”

The frumid feeling at Scotiabank theatre: Freezing AND humid. Why is it so frumid?

Enduring mentions of that one popular Hollywood film everyone will ask you if you’re seeing. “No, it comes out in October. Yes, I’ll see it then. Sure, it would be cool if we saw George Clooney.”

The sophisticate in a line-up who wants to explain Fanny Ardant to you. His hipster son who wants to explain Takashi Miike to you.

Off sale? Good news chums, there’s always Wavelengths!

 

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Women your Mom’s age making graphic sexual comments about Ryan Gosling, ruining all your own secret fantasies about Ryan Gosling.

Awkwardly weeping whilst eating a bagel at a 9am screening of a sad movie.

“Uhhhhhhhhhhh … Ask a person with a headset on.”

When that dude on the street is either Seth Rogan or the guy from the Rogers ad … Know that it’s definitely the guy from the Rogers ad.

Paying $18 for a salad you don’t even remember eating. That money is gone, friend. It’s gone.

 
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Catching a glimpse of the back of Cameron Bailey’s head as he’s whisked away to a much better place than wherever the hell you are.

Enjoying an audience member’s poorly-timed or inappropriately loud “Arrrr”.

Listening to the row behind you explain how they are sooo overrrr “Arrrrrs”.

Avoiding films that have a TIFF description starting with: “An introspective look at—”

Avoiding films that have a TIFF description starting with: “An intimate look at–”

Doing the mental math: “Do I have time to pee in the underground bathroom cavern at Ryerson?”

British actresses consistently described by critics as “luminous” …Phosphorescent, if you will.

 
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The inevitable, inescapable (almost tender?) yearly failure of Tiff.net to simply take your money, and in return, give you tickets.

Run, run, running up the stairs to your favourite spot in the Winter Garden and plopping your ass down all self-satisfied-like because that’s your spot.

Feeling the hot, red, typhoon of fury over a film’s inaccurate reviews on Twitter – How can they BE so wrong?

 

Taking this shitty photo of Simon Pegg.

Snagging the last curb seat in a rush line and making your sucker friends stand. Because they are suckers.

Swearing that this year, this is the year you become a TIFF member, and get all that sweet priority treatment, and then totally not doing it.

Fanboys who are pretty sure you girls “just didn’t understand” the ground-breaking horror film.

Developing a complex personal system for filling out your Pre-Order Booklet as per everyone’s schedule and still fucking it up.

The dead, cold eyes of Freebie Slaves handing out product samples to people in line. “Pretzel sticks!” … “BlackBerry batteries!”

 
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The awareness that “It was well-received at Venice” is a warning, not an endorsement.

“I had no time for parties, I was seeing movies” totally fails to comfort you when you don’t get party invites. :-(

Blindly buying tickets for anything from South Korea because that country never lets you down.

The exclusive delight of being a veteran and lording it over newbies forced to listen to your reminiscences. (“Well, in 2004, TIFF was held uphill BOTH WAYS…”)

The warm pleasure of bitching about a new TIFF ad because “It wasn’t as good as Dance Fight.”

That one friend who tells you: “I don’t want to see anything with subtitles.”

Never being appropriately dressed for the changing weather. Might as well go fucking naked am I right?

“WHY ARE YOU PEOPLE WALKING SO SLOW ON KING STREET????”

Final credits that actually do say FIN.



4 Comments

  1. Angela / September 6, 2012 at 7:14 pm /

    My bestest most awesome memory: Baileys + Tim Hortons + Ryerson curb

  2. LOKSTOCKnBARREL / September 6, 2012 at 7:22 pm /

    MEMORY: Being completely convinced that the guy in line ahead of me was Sam Worthington. For the record it was not. I will never ask a stranger for an autograph again!!!!

  3. Jessica Sure / September 6, 2012 at 8:02 pm /

    LOL! I also comfort myself by saying I’m too busy seeing films to go for parties

  4. Slurpee / September 12, 2012 at 2:36 pm /

    In 2004, it WAS uphill both ways. I’m sure I remember that.

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